January 30, 2020

Within fears grasp, is there hope and beauty?

Charlotte Cope

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Mixed media (watercolour, pencil, ink, water)Within fears grasp, is there hope and beauty?, 202025cmx32.5cm

Anxiety. Fear. Compulsive tendencies. Catastrophising. Contamination. Pure OCD. This is me; my day to day life as a human, as an artist. Doubt. Fear. The constant analysing of movements… retracing steps. Repetition. Order. Chaos. Routines. Rituals. Can I create a piece of work I’m proud of whilst gripped by MY reality; fear? Can something beautiful be created by doubt and the “contaminants” I fear? Can I force myself to break these rituals, routines and avoidance tendencies to paint? What can I do to break away from this agonising fear; the fear of contamination, the fear of hurting anyone? In the midst of utter panic, can I push myself to produce a piece of work that symbolises my brain, my driving mechanism, my creative machine? My brain; that in one hand helps me be creative, but on the other hand, can be the downfall of my normal functioning in everyday human life. Have I achieved this? Have I created something that whilst in a maelstrom of anguish, gives hope and shines a light on my mental state? I hope so. I’m unsure. Doubt. Repetition. Be brave. Internal dialogue. External dialogue. Love myself. I will try.