January 30, 2020

Within fears grasp, is there hope and beauty?

Charlotte Cope

Mixed media (watercolour, pencil, ink, water)Within fears grasp, is there hope and beauty?, 202025cmx32.5cm

Anxiety. Fear. Compulsive tendencies. Catastrophising. Contamination. Pure OCD. This is me; my day to day life as a human, as an artist. Doubt. Fear. The constant analysing of movements… retracing steps. Repetition. Order. Chaos. Routines. Rituals. Can I create a piece of work I’m proud of whilst gripped by MY reality; fear? Can something beautiful be created by doubt and the “contaminants” I fear? Can I force myself to break these rituals, routines and avoidance tendencies to paint? What can I do to break away from this agonising fear; the fear of contamination, the fear of hurting anyone? In the midst of utter panic, can I push myself to produce a piece of work that symbolises my brain, my driving mechanism, my creative machine? My brain; that in one hand helps me be creative, but on the other hand, can be the downfall of my normal functioning in everyday human life. Have I achieved this? Have I created something that whilst in a maelstrom of anguish, gives hope and shines a light on my mental state? I hope so. I’m unsure. Doubt. Repetition. Be brave. Internal dialogue. External dialogue. Love myself. I will try.