November 11, 2019

Why was it that total annihilation seemed a better option than facing the ‘demons’ that lived inside of him?

Paula Pratt, 37

Death by suicide and the lives of people affected by addiction and overdose are indicative and prevalent matters for Scotland. I want to contribute to a change in how we understand, accept and heal ourselves, and to encourage the ripple effect of understanding and accepting others as a route to collective healing and evolution for us all.

In September 2019 I spent ten days training as a Shamanic Trance Dance Guide and Guardian, and during this intense experience of blindfolded breathwork and movement, living in community and off the land, I reached a tipping point. My darkness, my trauma, pain, shame and suffering became a dusty cupboard where things are kept until I’m ready to deal with them. That’s it. Nothing sinister or scary, just a holding bay, a pantry, a bookshelf. A much younger part of myself was able to say,”I’m not afraid of the dark”.

I realised that shining a torch into the dark corners of our experiences and memories, inner critics and survival strategies dissolves the power they hold over us. I hope that what I share in the article is useful, thought-provoking and a fitting testament to the memory of my Dad.

Why was it that total annihilation seemed a better option than facing the ‘demons’ that lived inside of him?, 2019