January 31, 2020

Why Can’t I Stop Smiling?

Nongnapat Jatumatmetee

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Acrylic on CanvasLying Down, 2019125 x 90 cm

I woke up, got out of bed and washed myself up. I prepared for another, hopefully, productive day. I have food on the table and a roof over my head. I have the privilege of studying abroad. However, sometimes I just want to lie down and never get up. I feel flat. I felt like the entity living in between the void, the dirty green and purple. I sunk and then I was sucked into the ground. Yet, hatred and disgust to myself grew for I am becoming this ungrateful thing. I am already so lucky. Every time I felt down, I hated myself more. Everything is good, nothing is wrong, you can’t be like this. Sometimes I think that privilege has robbed away my right to be sad, and then I will think, “Wow I cannot believe that you’re complaining about being privileged”. Thus, I cannot stop smiling.