June 3, 2021

What Do You Do When Your Life Doesn’t Feel Like It’s Yours?

Wick Webb

DigitalWake Up, Evelyn, 2021

I wanted to communicate feelings of depression, and how you can feel like mental illness takes the driver’s seat in your life while you’re left to watch. Everything seems to have become without consequence and meaning. You can be faced with a happy, meaningful moment surrounded by those who love you but you can’t process it, because you don’t think it matters, and you feel ungrateful, unimportant, but there’s nothing you can do about it. All you can do is sit in front of your birthday candles feeling like a complete fraud, meanwhile hanging off every blurry thing that’s been said to you that day. In retrospect mental illnesses feel unreasonable, but in these moments it feels like your illness becomes all that you are, and you’re a ghost of the former self that your family remembers. You don’t think they can understand, so they’re blurry, disconnected from you. I find this message so important to highlight how symptoms of mental illness that appear selfish and unfounded shouldn’t be treated as such, and oftentimes people need to be pulled out of the hazy dream their life appears to them as. People deserve to feel like their life is theirs.