Inspired by the unnerving movement in Gerhard Richter’s photorealistic work, I created ‘Transition’, a piece which underpins the feelings of anxiety and unease that result from the inward instabilities of self-doubt; feelings which are often crippling and utterly irrefutable.
The movement, distortion and irregularity evident within the piece culminate to create a sense of transience and reflect the unsteady, volatile nature of my chosen concern. Maintaining a sense of realism in the face gives the piece a grounding in reality; a contrast to the havoc beside which it lies. This contrast is an integral part of heightening the severity of losing faith in one’s abilities and ultimately allow this piece to have a more complex understanding of the human condition and, in particular, my own conflicted state of mind.
Painting allows for such a deep understanding of humanity, and for such a true understanding of the self. This self-portrait is a detailed reflection of feelings which overwhelm me; feelings which consume me. I am, at my core, an introvert and this painting, for all its imperfections, shows my vulnerability in a way that is so apt and so intimate.
Oil on paper, 37 x 58cm, 2016