July 10, 2022

Labour of Love

Hazel Beattie

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PoetryLabour of Love, 2022

I always wanted a baby, for as long as I can remember. My daughter was born 17 years ago and from that day my life changed. I changed. Post natal depression is commonplace for so many women but I never dreamed it would happen to me, and still be affecting my life 17 years later. I have always felt guilt, anger and sadness at the way I felt and how I was unable to express it to anyone. I smiled, I went out to baby groups but inside I just wanted to understand why this beautiful child, who I loved so much made me feel alone and so, so sad. In the pictures I have of us I’m smiling looking so happy, but that mask hid me from the world. Writing those feelings down has helped me try and articulate those swirling and ever present feelings. I want to move past it, it was so long ago. Why do I keep looking at the past when it is stopping me enjoying the present- the gift of my girls. I want to let other women know that they are not alone, help them process their feelings and seek help.