Aite, 2021

This poem was written in the early stages of recovery from an eating disorder. As I wrote it, I could see the patterns in my behaviour but was still unable to pull free. In exploring my recognition of what I was doing and why, I was forced to stare myself in the face. Looking my pain right in the eye. That’s how I began to heal. It’s only recently that I feel comfortable to talk about this poem. I am triggered by it. I believe many artists are by their own work. I also find it cathartic, as difficult art often is. I think I can be with these words now without jumping back into that pain. This makes me feel strong. Maybe these words can help someone else gain the strength to lock eyes with their illness as I did. I named the poem after Greek goddess ‘Aite’. Of course, her name is apt but Aite is also goddess of delusion, ruin and folly which are key concepts I wrestled with daily. A struggle to avoid ruin fueled by delusion and folly but instead you walk full speed ahead into that very ruin you run from. No more running.