July 30, 2021

If I Show You My Inner Demon, Can You See past My Tourette’s?

Nigel Ashworth

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Filmed Staged ReadingLiving with You, 2021

We try to explain our Tourette’s, give “The Talk”, to friends, a class but these make things worse. The focus is on us, what we do, what’s wrong in our brains. We feel misrepresented, documentaries and films only show our external, visible tics. The biggest issue isn’t ticcing, it’s how other people react. I’m drawn to what is hidden so wanted to show Tourette’s from the inside, then use this perspective to turn the spotlight out, onto teachers, doctors, relatives, strangers. Showing how their actions and misconceptions impact those with Tourette’s. Having Tourette’s feel’s like you’re being controlled by another version of you, one that’s faster, stronger, funnier, more confident. I bring to life these intrusive thoughts, which are very common with Tourette’s but never admitted, even to parents or close friends. This inner struggle is another character, fighting for control of your body, words, identity. After watching, one person said “It was like looking at my day in the mirror and it playing back to me.” But this story isn’t about our tics, it’s about you. Everyday when you stare, when you question, when you blame, when you pity us. It shows what it’s like, for us, living with you.