February 1, 2019

How do we carry loss?

How do we carry loss?

N. S, 22

How We Carry, is a meditation on the process of loss / articulated through my personal experience of death and loss.

Following a miscarriage in May, I was left with an absence that was difficult to understand. I had carried a pregnancy for three months before I started to bleed, eventually miscarrying a week later. The vast space that was left behind bled into every corner of life; death had left nothing untouched inside me.

I had to learn to carry the weight; how to carry the loss of myself, of another within me, and carrying the responsibility to accept and move forward – accepting an absence that will always be.

Creating How We Carry, was a profound and restorative process. I revisited the stages of my miscarriage gently, translating the memories through soft and reflective actions. I began by removing the pips of cherry fruits then blending the flesh in water. Once frozen, the cherry-water was placed beside a charcoal arch and left to melt and stain the paper underneath.

Echoes of my body, too, were found again; water bleeding, the clotting of fruit on the page, the empty arch.
This painting of meditation grew a cradle for me.

1995

How We Carry
70x100cm
Cherry, charcoal, water, paper

The cherry fruit is a symbol of life, death, and reproduction. It also has affinity with my own childhood memories. It was for these reasons I chose cherry as a medium for my work.
The arch is my expression of body, being, womb, mother.

Further documentation; Making Cherry Water (14min54s)
https://youtu.be/tycs7Hg1jmw