August 5, 2019

How broken is ‘broken beyond repair’?

Callum Smith, 21

The original context behind this work was ‘limerence’. Limerence is a state of mind that encourages involuntary romantic-obsession with another person. The victim believes that they cannot survive without this person – that they are irreversibly and unequivocally connected to this person forever.

This feeling, for me personally, led me on a journey of self-harm, substance abuse and a shaky sense-of-self. While recovery is a daily battle, my scars are healing, I’m sober and wake up each day with a sense of just-about-there confidence.

The imagery for this work derives from the above – the words that just don’t quite fit, the breathing that I have witnessed in the final few moments in life spilling over the page – however something was missing.

This morning, over my usual Americano and semi-awake jaunt through social media, I found out a school peers’ mother had passed away. This untimely news shook me. I thought about texting my own mum to tell her I loved her but didn’t want a spontaneous spew of affection to worry her. With this uneasy feeling I decided to finish ‘limerence’, as a tribute for those past and present who will feel the overwhelming sense of the darkness.

Limerence, 2019Poetry