This poem was a form of self-therapy prompted by evolution in my thought induced via meditation. As a pharmacology student who has relied on SSRIs for the past six years I find myself questioning their use often. They have helped me to function in a way that is beneficial for society; continuing my studies and allowing me to function as an employee. However, as my trauma continues to follow me through my life without waning I begin to feel more concerned that I am putting short-term numbness over the need for true raw pain to induce the growth.
I believe that coming face to face with pain in a way that allows one to rewire the amygdala’s response to a trigger is the way to bring peace, to give the voice of pain a constructive, rather than destructive role. SSRIs allow you to run from that voice, and so the pain is always chasing you. I feel I am in the waiting room for therapy while I take SSRIs, and I truly hope the NHS understands that this waiting room is deeply unhealthy place.
I am not primarily a writer but I do many pieces of a similar ilk and think that my work tells its story best as a whole. For this reason I hope to hold an exhibition during the next year.