First Sight

First Sight

Lara Adams

This poem is about self-direction: searching for inner harmony, freedom and the meaning in life. I think that these days there’s a lot of focus on social media on getting to know yourself, lots of people elusively ‘finding themselves’ and this poem deals with what happens when you search yourself and you don’t like what you find. It’s about the confusion of becoming a person as you grow and develop, and not knowing what to do when you realise you don’t like who you’re becoming. It’s about being too enveloped in yourself, trying to identify which parts of you are really you and which parts have been planted in you, remnants of other people. It’s about being trapped in indecision and anxiety, about the severe mental consequences of over-analysing yourself instead of just letting yourself live, and the constant worry that our lives could be more meaningful, more worthwhile if we were doing something differently. It’s about continuing your life after you’ve become self-aware: unsure how to change the path you have found yourself on, unsure how to become a better person. It’s about the difference in ‘finding yourself’ and ‘changing yourself’, because nobody ever talks about the latter.

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WritingJohn Byrne Award